How many Chernobyl operators does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to smash the light bulb with a hammer, the second to take the base out with pliers, and the third to sweep up the floor.
How many Three Mile Island operators does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to get up on the ladder and change the light bulb without turning off the circuit breaker for the entire building and independently verifying that there is in fact no current in the wires and that it is double-safed, one to notice that there’s an open in the circuit, and another to turn on the sprinklers. (Option for an anti-nuclear group to say that the accident was caused by a failure to file the paperwork on the double-safing inspection, and an NRC bureaucrat to agree with them.)
How many IFR operators does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to design a foolproof light bulb and another to sit near it, throwing objects of increasing size and mass at it in carefully coordinated tests.
How many concerned scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
I propose a moratorium on light bulbs until we know the true costs of changing light bulbs. No amount of darkness today can make up for remote and speculative risks sometime in the far distant future.
How many NRC bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?
Oh…I don’t know…we’re going to have to study that…Gee…
[NRC inspectors make $200/hour.]
How many Department of Energy bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?
16. Seriously.
How many Yucca Mountain opponents does it take to change a light bulb?
Spent light bulb waste includes glass, which emerging data from Yucca Mountain tests suggests may dissolve in groundwater and cause cancer.
How many efficiency gurus does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, of course. He’ll remove the light bulb, take off the base and sell it as scrap, clean out the light bulb, put the wastewater from cleaning out the light bulb into his car radiator, cut a hole in the roof to use sunlight instead of a light bulb, and write a press release on recycled paper with his own blood while drinking his own filtered urine from the light bulb.
How many life-cycle analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
Three to mine the materials, fifty to be employed at the factory that assembles the light bulb, four to drive it over, one to bring it inside, two to make a ladder, one to change the light bulb, one to throw out the old one, three to collect the garbage, five to deposit the garbage in the city dump, and two to maintain security at the dump. (Option for an anti-light-bulb activist to say that it takes 72 people to change a light bulb, and an additional option for another to say it takes 74.)
How many AZ-5 buttons does it take to change a light bulb?
I don’t know. They keep shorting out the building’s electrical system.
How many nuclear regulatory commissioners does it take to change a light bulb?
Three of five, obviously. It’s a normal vote, just like anything else.
Silly.
How many nuclear power plant operators does it take to change a light bulb?
Only two, but they must both approach the light bulb, agree that it is burned out, and follow the correct and agreed-upon procedure for exploring a number of options, such as replacement, cancellation, conversion, and the No Action Alternative. Then, they must report this finding to company officials, the NRC, the EPA, the state Department of Environmental Protection, Congress, responsible contractors, and stakeholders, publish a notice in the Federal Register, and submit a life-cycle analysis with provisions for decommissioning. The proposal shall then be voted upon by the full Commission, and their finding published in the Federal Register for the mandatory 90-day comment period. An anti-light-bulb activist will then say that changing light bulbs poses safety, environmental, public health, and national security threats because the decision to allow the changing of the light bulb was made in a closed-door session of the NRC without adequate public involvement, and both operators are white men, anyway.
How many uncommunicative engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Ah, um, well, it’s, uh, a very, uh [laughs] technical issue of the, em, determination of your, well, you know, you resource requirements for the, uh, um, the–the, uh, lighting requirement in, uh, I suppose you’d use candlepower, wouldn’t you, or lumens if you’re in metric, ’cause we, you know, we can’t just use the, uh, [laughs] wattage rating or something like that, uh, that’s for n00bs [laughs]. What–lumens aren’t the metric? It’s what–watts delivered per square meter, or uh, yeah [laughs]. The, uh, watts per square meter, well, you’ve obviously gotta correct that for the, uh, the, uh, the electrical energy input versus the, uh, the light energy output–and both of those are measured in watts–that’s the rate–and a lot of people don’t know that, you know, they think a watt is a unit of energy, but you gotta use joules, or if you’re in this country, BTUs. ‘Cause we sure don’t want the Russians getting their hands on it, you know, with all that narrow-gauge railroad track they’ve got over there [laughs].
This page was written by Stewart Peterson on May 21, 2009
How is this funny? Get a life you stupid fuck. You’re a fckn RETARD.
Do you understand them?
On the operators changing the lightbulb…you could add: “Call the FIN Team!” Great jokes by the way.
Hi Tom–sorry about your comment being held for approval; there’s been a lot of spam lately.
As an outside observer of the nuclear industry/sector rather than an employee (neither current nor former), I’m not familiar with the internal light bulb changing procedure itself (i.e., I don’t know what the FIN Team does beyond the NRC’s expansion of the acronym as “fix it now”)–maybe you could help me make the punch line more absurd!
Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for the compliment!
You’re right…”fix it now” team. They take care of tool bag work, minor repairs, light bulbs, etc. Most light bulbs the operators change, however, there are local control stations for pumps/valves that are 125/250V, so we have them change those.