Nuclear Humor
This area is currently under construction. Some of it is already online:
Nuclear Light Bulb Jokes
How many NRC bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb? Find out here.
Nuclear Knock-Knock Jokes
Knock-knock. Who's there? The NRC.
Special pieces:
Ban the Banana
Build Absolutely Nothing Anywhere Near Anything. Or: venting on double standards
Criticism Leveled at TVA's Proposed M.C. Escher Nuclear Power Station
The Tennessee Valley Authority unveils a creative new plant layout.
John Gofman Prepares Book Blurbs
Peer review? Almost. But he's "independent of the scientific community."
The 12 Years of Reactor Licensing
In the first year of licensing, the public gave to us...
Coming Soon:
Activists on Allegations of Irrelevant Remarks: ‘Patrick Moore Eats Kittens for Breakfast’
There is a disturbing trend recently in which we point out a factual error and anti-nuclear activists respond with character assassination, chiefly directed at pro-nuclear activist Patrick Moore. Perhaps a bit of satire will help us all vent.
Antigravity-Wielding Aliens Cause Common-Mode Failure in AP-1000
Paul Gunter doesn't like the use of commercial-grade equipment in the AP-1000. Why?
Anti-Nuclear Activist Unsure How to Decommission Cereal Box
It's never been done before! It's bigger than any other cereal box I've ever seen! Can I still throw it out?
Anti-Nuclear Activists: "Gas Will Last Forever."
It's required to back up unreliable alternative energy schemes. It also makes a friend of the oil industry, but we'll leave that for later...
Asthmatics for Coal
Take-off on 'mutants for nuclear.' Notice how there are no mutants around and a lot of asthmatics.
AWEA: Capacity Factor Doesn’t Tell the Whole Story About Reliability
See, windmills are socially reliable...
Bald Eagle Flies Into, Disrupts Vermont Wind Environmental Impact Hearing
Environmental impact of windmills? You mean, there is one?
Being a Hippie with a Guitar Brings Wisdom
Every arrogant stoner you've ever met.
British Nuclear Regulation Transferred to Ministry of Silly Walks
Might as well; it's better than how the military was handling it...
British Well Basically Club Endorses New Build
An extension of the famous Monty Python skit.
Café Radioactif
Everything is served in uranium glassware on granite tabletops.
Café Radioactif Menu
Orange juice, bananas, tree nuts...
Chernobyl Operator Had “Between Six and Eight” Pens in Pocket Protector
And other useful information. [An allusion to the number of control rods in the reactor at the time of the accident; there should have been 30.]
Chicago Board of Tirade Issues Statement on Caldicott Book
So we got this book, and we read it. And it's jaw-droppingly awful. It just doesn't make any sense. Why did she even write it? Does she have a fact-checker?
Close Nuclear Power Plants Now Because Decommissioning is an Unsolvable Problem
Non-sequitur, Swedish-style.
Coal Association: Coal the National Leader in Environmental Problems
A gag press release, twisting around words usually used to promote a technology. Business-ese.
Coalition to Oppose Atomic Leaks
A parody anti-nuclear group. Note the acronym.
Concerned Mothers for a Stone Age Society
Let's be "sustainable." But do we really want to sustain the status quo?
Department of Energy Introduces WikiBomb, the Free Ordnance that Anyone Can Edit
Making fun of Wikipedia, Part 1.
Department of Health & Human Services Announces Food-Disposal Initiative
A reference to the disposal of perfectly good fuel by the Department of Energy because it's 97% uranium instead of 100%, or the "wrong" isotope, etc.
Diesel Submarine
Yellow Submarine parody.
Elderly Indian Woman Announces 'No-First-Use' Policy on Cell Phones
India has a "no-first-use" policy on nuclear weapons. Also a knock on technophobia.
Environmental Activists: "Coal Should be a Part of a Diverse National Energy Mix."
Ex-hippies in suits living in gated communities who pretend to be a counterculture.
EPA: Yucca to Emit Low-Levels of Criminals
A parody press release referring to a State of Nevada comment that asked the EPA to conduct a socioeconomic comparison of Denver to Yucca Mountain.
Father Knows Best, by Dr. John Gofman
Don't you worry your pretty little head about whether what I'm saying has any basis in fact.
For Sale: The Defense-in-Depth Alarm Clock: Only $1,599.99
15 different independent mechanisms--which can all be bypassed by one common-mode failure. And it's still less reliable than a $20 unit from Wal-Mart.
Ghosts for Nuclear
If nuclear power had been around, we wouldn't have died. Wait--we can't vote anymore? [Unless you're a Chicago Democrat]
Greenpeace
Parody of "Greensleeves"
Gunter: IFR Contains No Measures to Prevent Control Rod Ejection
It also contains no measures to cause control rod ejection.
Hey, Let’s Burn More Gas
I love the oil industry.
Household Regulatory Commission
The double-standard file.
Household Regulatory Commission Fines Mr. Charles D. and Mrs. Anna F. Johnson $4,500 for Failing to Validate Closed Position of Front Door Lock
Gag NRC press release.
Hullabaloo-o-meter
Various accidents and accusations in an easily-accessible format.
Humane Environmentalist People Together Against Nuclear Energy
Another gag anti-nuclear group. Heptane is the main ingredient in gasoline.
Investors to Charge APR-1000 on Loans for New Nuclear Power Plants
Puns on Wall Street and naming conventions.
Is This Newfangled “Fire” Too Good to Be True?
Unhealthy skepticism, for once.
LaSalle Nuclear Power Plant Declares Site Area Emergency After Manager's Fly Found Unzipped
Well, they've declared site-area emergencies over less...
letters to the ratitor
A parody of John Gofman's website, which is maintained by a 'ratitor' and done in all lower-case
Link to Onion California Raisins Article
Dumping on California, Onion-style
Lochbaum Criticizes Cab Driver for "Unplanned Manual Brake Slams"
Return of the "unplanned automatic scrams" statistic.
Lovins Writes Off Loaned CD as Stranded Cost
Energy economics jokes.
Lovins: “We Need Natural Gas. Let’s Go to Neptune”
Neptune is made of methane. Unfortunately, it's not exactly economically recoverable. And getting it would require nuclear energy. Details, details.
Lovins: “Wind is the Most Cost-Effective Way to Power New Lunar Bases.”
Capacity vs. Output
Musical Regulatory Commission
Fining people for denting tubas, scratching violins, etc.
“Mr. Ed” Theme Nonproliferation Parody
A force is a force, of course, of course... Regarding our friend Ed Lyman.
National Academy of Sciences: “This is a Colossal Waste of Our Time.”
Should they ever get tired of making cost-benefit analyses involving radiation levels orders of magnitude below background...
National Announcers Association Reaffirms Pledge to Say 'Radiation' in Low, Scary Voice
Reaffirming the hype-bias of the media
National Council on Petty Crap Endorses Life-Cycle Analysis
Blaming people for emissions that they didn't emit because they benefit from products which are produced by people who emit things is, well, petty crap.
NIOF Post on Reactor Bans Indefinitely Deferred
The blog post 'Overturn Reactor Bans' was in the post queue for a ridiculous amount of time.
NIOF Writes Off Missed News Articles as Stranded Cost
My record on the Nuclear NewsWire isn't exactly spotless.
NIRS: Environmental Impact Statements Omit Effects of Falling Off Edge of the Earth
Or walking on the wall without special equipment, or what happens if one of the turtles that are holding the Earth up happens to slip, etc.
NRC Chairman to Wear Tight Pants, Belt, Suspenders
Getting that defense-in-depth going.
NRC Fines Tennessee Valley Authority $50,000 for Violations Related to Something or Other at Sequoyah Unit 2 Nuclear Power Plant
They must have done something...
NRC Issues Materials Licensing Requirement for Administratium
But they'll have to issue a notice of opportunity for public comment and to request a hearing.
NRC Not Even Bothering to Say “Proposed” Anymore
They have a bit of a reputation for rubber-stamping.
NRC to Adopt Linear-No-Threshold Model for Temperature
400 degrees burns one person, so 50 degrees should burn one out of eight people. Inconvenient criticisms include the difference between temperature and heat.
NRC to Establish Tech Spec for Nuclear Power Plant Breakroom Refrigerators
They have a standard for everything else.
NRC to Issue Announcement of Opportunity to Begin the Process of Issuing a Request for Comment on a Proposed Hearing on Procedures for Docketing Early Site Permit Applications Under the Paperwork Reduction Act of 1995
At least they didn't issue a memo.
NRC: Radiation Symbol to be Placed on Orange Juice Trucks
Tritiated water is radioactive, too.
Nuclear Cartoons
Section. Once I find them.
Nuclear Engineering Class Taken for Mining, Milling, Conversion, Deconversion, Manufacturing, Transportation, Fuel Loading, Burnup, Onsite Storage, Reprocessing, Actinide Burning, Vitrification, and Geological Storage
But not enrichment.
Nuclear Power Plant Employees Now to Wear Water Wings, Cup, Bucket Helmet, Shinguards
Everything else has been done.
Nuke Effluent Found in Many Cancer Tumors
Dihydrogen monoxide.
Orange Juice Cleanup Update
Spoof of the umpteen tritiated-water cleanup updates.
Passive Safety While Sleeping in Seminars
It's all about technique.
Peczkis to Appear on Spot the Looney
Our favorite creationist/physics crackpot gets some media time.
Point-Counterpoint: Whole Ecology
Safety First vs. Earth First
Public Citizen: School Buses Connected to Napalm
Gasoline, diesel, napalm, children, it's all a blur of rhetoric.
Report: Nuclear Power Plants Produce Toxic Quantities of Pandemonium Chloride
No, it's not a real chemical. But let's ban it anyway.
Section: The Anti-Cleveland Movement
Using problem-solving methods from the early nuclear age to find the location of Cleveland. But the question is: will the Loch Ness monster be in danger of getting eaten by polar bears? Adapted from a discussion between 'Harrydog' and an anti-nuclear blogger.
Section: The Federal Acronym Service
EIEIO.
She Can’t Do Math
You Can’t Do That parody re: Caldicott.
Sixth St. & Main McDonald's Fined $5,200 by HRC for Operating with INOP Orange-Juice Dispenser
A reference to an incident in which Atomic Insights was attacked by a hit-and-run anti-nuclear poster with no technical knowledge and a knack for using ADAMS.
Some Sort of Gag Government Document
Every goofy DOE report you've ever seen. Guaranteed to be vacuous.
Storm van Leeuven and Smith: Nuclear Power Plants Emit Water
The world's most potent greenhouse gas. Tsk, tsk.
Suggestions for Renaming the Union of Concerned Scientists
Clever new acronyms.
Tennessee Valley Authority Announces New Renewable Projects
Not the fuel source, just the timeline.
The “Sum of Conservative Decisions is Not Always Conservative” Chair
All the parts are 5% too big.
The Effects of Inappropriate Footnoting on Reading Comprehension1
A gag study.
The Pants Debate
Safety, waste, alternatives, economics--Ghostbusters-style
The Smelly Swamp Onions Institute
Parody of the Rocky Mountain Institute (a reference to the etymology of "Chicago").
The Thing That Ate Cleveland Dies of Indigestion
A sad obituary for one of the icons of the nuclear age.
Tidal Power for Kansas
More Capacity vs. Output
Tree Nut Workers Local 158: "We Were Exposed to Deadly Radiation"
Plea for pity format.
US to Meet Renewables Targets by Damming Mississippi River
Technically, we could. And pretty easily.
Watchdog: Three Atoms of Bomb-Grade Plutonium Missing from Los Alamos
Oh my GOD we're all gonna DIE. When correctly assembled, they could almost produce a small nuclear explosion.
We Must Do Everything Possible to Stop Global Warming
Even if what we're doing isn't going to have any effect, is a waste of time, and diverts resources from needed efforts.
Why Does Everybody Think I’m Obsessed With Nuclear Power?
Sometimes we all get a little too involved...
Wikipedia Celebrates Hanford Cleanup with Article on Flour
Making fun of Wikipedia, Part 2. A reference to the Onion article 'Wikipedia Celebrates 750 Years Of American Independence'
You Know You're in Nuclear Energy When...
...everything combines in the worst way possible and you still come out ahead.
You Wouldn’t Believe How Wonderful Everything Is
Unsuccessful pro-nuclear activism at work, to paraphrase Coalition21